Ode to the penis

I need to pee 

Cystitis has reared its ugly head again

This is our punishment 

For heterosexual sex

 

My vibrator never gives me a UTI

Or thrush

Or makes me panic that I’m pregnant

 

Dicks are the devil

With balls as their delicate horns

Creating fire in our vaginas 

And our minds

 

The flaccid dick seems so innocent

Vulnerable – soft and sensitive 

Until the blood flows

And the shaft grows

 

The transformation from a fat little worm 

To a demanding patriarch

Urging us to caress it 

With our mouths and vulvas

 

My usual dick belongs to a decent man 

For once

I’m happy to declare

So I’ll keep on doing this heterosexual dance

As long as we keep on being compatible 

This poem is over

I’m off to buy some cranberry pills