Ode to the penis

I need to pee
Cystitis has reared its ugly head again
This is our punishment 
For heterosexual sex

My vibrator never gives me a UTI
Or thrush
Or makes me panic that I’m pregnant

Dicks are the devil
With balls as their delicate horns
Creating fire in our vaginas 
And our minds

The flaccid dick seems so innocent
Vulnerable – soft and sensitive 
Until the blood flows
And the shaft grows

The transformation from a fat little worm 
To a demanding patriarch
Urging us to caress it 
With our mouths and vulvas

My usual dick belongs to a decent man 
For once
I’m happy to declare
So I’ll keep on doing this heterosexual dance
As long as we keep on being compatible 
This poem is over
I’m off to buy some cranberry pills 


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