Ode to the penis

I need to pee 

Cystitis has reared its ugly head again

This is our punishment 

For heterosexual sex


My vibrator never gives me a UTI

Or thrush

Or makes me panic that I’m pregnant


Dicks are the devil

With balls as their delicate horns

Creating fire in our vaginas 

And our minds


The flaccid dick seems so innocent

Vulnerable – soft and sensitive 

Until the blood flows

And the shaft grows


The transformation from a fat little worm 

To a demanding patriarch

Urging us to caress it 

With our mouths and vulvas


My usual dick belongs to a decent man 

For once

I’m happy to declare

So I’ll keep on doing this heterosexual dance

As long as we keep on being compatible 

This poem is over

I’m off to buy some cranberry pills