I wasn’t sure whether to post this or not, but on Sunday night I messaged the Tory to ask him what he thought of my blog about him (yes I know, why do I still need his validation?!) and told him I was thinking about putting up the list of things I hate about him, and asked if it was too far. He said, and I quote: ‘Nah! Do it… It’s great. It’s all the feedback relationships lack!’
So he can’t say I didn’t warn him.
I suspect that he secretly likes all this attention and I’m just feeding his power trip, but publicly criticising him is also fun for me and helps me with closure. So win win. When Destiny’s Child sang said ‘you know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet, cos my mumma taught me better than that’, well they clearly never dated a Tory twat. Plus my mother still doesn’t quite understand what the internet is, and therefore she wasn’t able to teach me how to be a better person on it.
I know this is supposed to be a list of things I hate, but some of them are more things that would be annoying in a relationship, so it makes me feel better that I’m not dating him. I think only a couple of them are really mean… Anyway, here goes…
- He’s a Tory
- He voted Brexit
- He can’t eat gluten (which might have got annoying after a while in terms of cooking, takeaways etc)
- He told me that he can’t cook very well (never got to find out how bad it is)
- He’s not very cool (and doesn’t seem to care – wait that’s actually sort of cool in a way…damn)
- He has issues with pride
- He lives quite far away
- He’s got financial problems
- He’s not that good a kisser (I know this is probably the harshest one – too much tongue, not enough lips – there I said it…)
- He said he doesn’t like books / reading that much
- He wants to get married and have kids eventually (and I don’t)
- He won’t eat halal food (because it’s unnecessarily ‘cruel to animals’ – but the British farming industry isn’t…right…So yeah we never could have gone to Wood Green Nandos)
- He’s not as sexually open as I am
- He messed me around
- He doesn’t want to date me
- He’s annoying
- He does weird faces sometimes
- He really knows how to drag out a joke
- He would randomly leave whatsapp conversations and not finish them later
- He’s posh (although the posh accent was kinda sexy)
- He words were as inconsistent as his bowling skills – he would sometimes contradict himself about certain things
- He used to call me ‘angel’ which I liked in a way, but found it very condescending and patronising when he used in relation to making plans (or not making plans as the case turned out to be)
- He has weird nipples (save the best ‘til last)
So there’s my list. And I can definitely recommend this exercise as something to do after a breakup.
As for what he thought of the previous blog – he said it was very good and (quite) funny. Not that I care or anything…And if anyone is wondering about his side of the story, he also said it was pretty accurate and that nothing was unfair in it.
Not sure he will think the same about this one. But fuck it. He had it coming. And it’s too late now…